


Joker vs Kaede Akamatsu - An Attempt at a Rap Battle

by Anonymous



Category: Epic Rap Battles of History (Web Series), New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing, Persona 5
Genre: May Contain Cringe, New Dangan Ronpa V3 Spoilers, Persona 5: The Royal Spoilers, Rap Battles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 17:13:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29317680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Two rebels trapped in unjust games face off in a rap battle... or maybe just a series of disses and jokes that vaguely rhyme, as I am not a rapper.
Kudos: 4
Collections: Anonymous





	Joker vs Kaede Akamatsu - An Attempt at a Rap Battle

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like I need to disclaim this. I am not a rapper. I have been involved in indirectly with the ERB fanmade rap battle community before, but this is my first time actually writing an entire battle by myself. I am aware the flow is inconsistent at best; I mostly did this for the puns and because I thought it was amusing. I'm now publishing it in case anyone else finds it amusing!
> 
> For reference: I do love both Persona 5 (Royal) and Danganronpa V3. Don't take any of the insults too seriously; this is in good fun. 
> 
> Also, there are references to the dark stuff that happens in both games, so, you know, you have been warned.

Joker:

It’s showtime! Time for the Phantom Thieves’ next objective

Silencing a pianist playing Ultimate Detective

I’m a Wild Card prepared to take on whatever’s next

You’re a Sayaka reprise with a hero complex

I got the fire skills to knock down all your lies

Show a wannabe lawyer her Last Surmise

You’re not on my level; your talent’s subpar!

I could skip this whole fight by holding down ZR...

I asked Chihaya about this battle and these were her conclusions:

She said you’ll come out swinging, but choke on the execution.

Kaede:

I see why they call you “Joker” when your jokes are so edgy...

If I wanted to fight a trickster, then I’d spend free time with Kokichi

You stopped one guy from getting away with his usual shit

Which made you aware of injustice and let rebellion manifest

And once you’ve got magical powers and god-given gifts

You lounge around with your friends like “Should we really stop this rapist?”

It’s all bullshit! You need to act when faced with something awful!

While Akechi likes pancakes, you like to waffle!

And it’s no wonder you always win, when your rival is so defective

Even I wouldn’t believe that he’s an actual detective.

Joker:

You wanna talk twists? Well, you were a great protagonist!

But wait... That was Kodaka’s lie, wasn’t it?

It’s like you were written by Monaca, ‘cause once they saw you hanging there

Your entire audience turned into Ultimate Despairs

So don’t brag about your “sacrifice” like it is good it happened

When half your biggest fans want to Trade Your Life For fanon!

But this no-hit blunder’s not the only DR3 to lose the plot, huh?

Your series goes ass-up so often it should be renamed Mikan-ranpa!

Kaede:

I died in chapter one, but the whole game’s my legacy

Your friends forgot you existed after 5 minutes with Maruki!

You talk a big game about about the flaws of society

But you bring big pains with all your DLC

Charged for your game - twice - and then charge extra for clothes

It’s no wonder half your fans only know you from Smash Bros!

You're getting buried in this battle, like ATLUS with their debt  


Your game hates on gays so much, Tenko’d call you degener-het

Joker:

And your whole franchise is just a bunch of stereotypes!

You release teasers and, sure, you’ve got everybody hyped

As the talents are gimmicky, but, hey, they got potential

But then half the cast’s bland while the other half’s mental!

If I saw your show on TV, then I’d just change the station

But I can’t stand by when face-to-face with memory manipulation

So I’ll restore the Kaede as whom you were born

Knock you back to pregame; show me your true form!

Kaede (Pre-Game):

Like Sumire playing darts, you missed all your marks

And I won’t take lessons on canon from this two-name farce

Who likes to think he’s so tough, summoning demons from hell

When his ass gets saved by belief like he’s fucking Tinkerbell!

Then you pass the baton to Sae to fix every calamity?

If I had any left, you’d break my faith in humanity!

I'll smack a twelve-timing asshole straight in his kisser  


Hope Maki isn’t jealous, as I just slayed a Trickster!

**Author's Note:**

> Congrats! You made it through. I hope you enjoyed at least some of that. Feel free to give a comment if you have feedback; I published it anonymously to hide from the cringe, but will still be replying to comments and all that good stuff.


End file.
